Written by: Elizabeth Muniz
One of the things I love most about my work is helping people understand how their nervous system works because once you know what’s happening in your body, you can start to make sense of your emotions, behaviors, and even those moments when you feel “stuck.”
We often think of mental health only in terms of thoughts and feelings. But the truth is, your body plays a huge role. The nervous system is constantly scanning your environment, deciding whether you feel safe, stressed, or shut down. Understanding these states can be incredibly helpful.
Let’s walk through the three main states of the nervous system (ventral vagal, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal) and discover not only how they work, but also some fun facts that can change the way you understand your body.
The Ventral Vagal State: Connection and Calm
When your nervous system feels safe, you’re in what we call the ventral vagal state. This is your “rest and connect” mode. In this state:
- Your breathing is steady.
- You feel present in your body.
- You’re able to engage with others, laugh, and problem-solve.
I like to think of this as your “best self” state, where you feel open, curious, and connected (and feel like you have your together, even if it’s only for 10 minutes).
Fun fact: Even something as simple as eye contact or the sound of a soothing voice can activate this state. That’s why talking with a friend you trust, listening to calming music, or cuddling with your pet can bring your body back into balance.
The Sympathetic State: Fight or Flight
When your nervous system senses danger, it shifts into sympathetic activation. This is your body’s “fight or flight” mode.
In this state:
- Your heart races.
- Breathing gets quicker.
- Muscles tense up.
- Your mind is focused on survival.
Sympathetic energy isn’t “bad.” It’s what helps you slam on the brakes when a car stops suddenly in front of you or give a powerful speech at work. But if your body gets stuck here, anxiety, irritability, and hypervigilance can take over.
Fun fact: Your body can’t tell the difference between a real threat (like a bear chasing you) and a perceived one (like your boss sending a tense email). That’s why stress can feel overwhelming even if you’re technically safe.
The Dorsal Vagal State: Shut Down and Numb
If your nervous system feels overwhelmed and escape isn’t possible, it can drop into the dorsal vagal state. This is your “freeze” mode (think of scrolling on Instagram but not really seeing anything).
In this state:
- You might feel numb, disconnected, or like you’re moving through life on autopilot.
- Energy levels plummet.
- It can feel difficult to act, speak, or even think clearly.
While dorsal can feel scary, it’s actually your body’s way of protecting you when it thinks fight or flight won’t work.
Fun fact: Animals in the wild use this same response. A deer that “plays dead” is in a dorsal state. Humans have the same wiring. It’s our nervous system’s ancient survival tool.
Why Understanding Nervous System States Matters
So why does all of this matter for therapy? Because awareness of your state and which one you are in is the first step toward regulation and healing
- If you’re anxious, your body is in sympathetic mode. Instead of saying “I’m weak,” you can say, “My body thinks I’m in danger.”
- If you feel numb or shut down, you’re in dorsal. Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” you can say, “My nervous system is overwhelmed and trying to protect me.”
- If you’re calm and connected, you’re in ventral. You can savor that moment and know that your body is capable of returning here again.
This awareness helps you meet yourself with more understanding and care.
Practical Ways to Support Your Nervous System
Here are a few strategies I often share with clients to help shift states when they feel stuck:
- For sympathetic (fight/flight): Try grounding exercises like deep belly breathing, stretching, or holding something cold in your hand to signal safety to your body.
- For dorsal (shutdown): Gentle movement, stepping outside into sunlight, or connecting with a close friend can bring small sparks of energy back online.
- For ventral (calm/connected): Pay attention to it! Notice what helps you feel safe and repeat those activities often.
Fun fact: The nervous system is flexible. It can, and should, move between states. The more you practice calming and grounding, the easier it becomes to return to ventral.
Therapy and the Nervous System
At Thrive Therapy, we incorporate this understanding of the nervous system into the work we do with both kids and adults. Whether it’s through play therapy, EMDR, or mindfulness strategies, we help clients recognize what state they’re in and give them tools to regulate.
Fun fact: Children naturally use play to regulate their nervous systems. When kids build, run, laugh, or draw, they’re not just “playing” — they’re telling us about their internal state and often shifting themselves back toward balance.
Final Thoughts
Your nervous system is always working in the background, helping you navigate safety, connection, and survival. By learning to recognize its states (repeat after me: ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal) you can better understand yourself and use tools to return to balance.
And remember: progress isn’t about never feeling anxious or shut down. It’s about noticing what state you’re in and knowing you have the ability to move back toward calm and connection.
